Exercising Vulnerability

When I do premarital counseling, in one session I tell them we’re going to have an exercise in vulnerability. I want them to understand how critical vulnerability is in marriage and to help them share some things that they’ve kept hidden out of fear. I remind them that they aren’t responsible to heal what has happened in the past, but they get to participate in the healing of it. As each one shares a defining moment in their life, we discuss how it made them feel, the echo of words that it started in their mind, their reaction to it and how they coped with it. Like it or not, they’re bringing that into the marriage and it will show up in pressure situations. It helps them also be able to say they need help at times and how their spouse can help heal them. It takes courage and vulnerability to allow others to participate in healing something that’s broken in us.

In 2 Kings 5, we find the story of Naaman. He was a commander of the Syrian army, highly respected and known by the king, but he had a dreaded skin disease. A servant girl, whom he had kidnapped in a raid, told him about a prophet in Israel that could heal him. When his entourage showed up a Elisha’s house, Elisha sent out a servant to tell him to dip in the dirty Jordan river seven times and he would be healed. He was indignant because he felt it was beneath him to do that, he wasn’t given the respect for the prophet to come out and what he expected to happen didn’t. This was an exercise in vulnerability for him because he had to admit he couldn’t heal himself, he needed someone else and he risked humiliation by asking. However, when the servant said, “His servants went up to him and said, “Sir, if the prophet had told you to do something difficult, you would have done it. Now why can’t you just wash yourself, as he said, and be cured?” (GNT) Healing doesn’t always look like we think, but it begins with admitting we need help.

James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another [your false steps, your offenses], and pray for one another, that you may be healed and restored” (AMP). If we want healing, we must confess that we need it. Sometimes our pain comes from our sins or someone else’s who offended us. We have to admit it’s affecting us to someone we trust. Telling someone lets them participate in the process of healing. You won’t heal in isolation. You need others who will pray with you and for you. Restoration is possible, but we must be willing to be vulnerable first. It won’t look like you think it will either, but keep trusting God’s process. Like Naaman, it may not appear the healing has begun the first time you follow His plan. Naaman’s leprosy didn’t disappear until after he had dipped the seventh time. When you carry the weight of a past offense or sin for years, you rarely find healing in the first step, but that first step is critical to your healing. Have the courage to exercise some vulnerability with someone who can participate in your healing.

Photo by Burak Argun on Pexels.