Forgiveness

How do you forgive the unforgivable? How do you come to the place where you can forgive someone for the ultimate betrayal? When you’ve trusted someone with everything and they stab you in the back as they take it all away, it’s hard to come to that place. It’s even more difficult when you have daily reminders. It’s like someone is just twisting the knife in you. The pain becomes unbearable. Not understanding why just makes it more difficult.

For me, I’ve had to let go of that last question to come to a place of forgiveness. The question of why will eat you up like a cancer. It causes you to hold on to the pain, the depression and it keeps the wounds open. I tried to drown my pain. I tried to run from it too. I did anything and everything I could to find a way to get rid of the constant reminders. I eventually covered up the wound and just pretended that it didn’t exist.

If I could forget it happened, I could numb the pain. If I could pretend it was a bad dream, somehow it would make me forget. Over time, that seemed to work. It sat there though dormant waiting in the dark. I would never be able to forget or make the scars go away though. It wasn’t until I confronted the pain, the hurt and the scars that I found forgiveness.

I heard Dave Roever speak about a year ago. His body is riddled with physical scars from having a phosphorous grenade blow up by his head as he was throwing it. His words pierced me. He said, “Don’t hide your scars. In them lies healing for you and for others.” Could it be that by hiding the scars and withholding forgiveness I was preventing myself and others from healing? I now know he was right. By looking at what happened and uncovering the layers of things I used to cover up the pain, I was able to find forgiveness.

Jesus gave the best example of forgiveness as He was on the cross. He was able to look the men in the eye who beat Him, mocked Him and betrayed Him. He was able to find forgiveness while the nails were still in His hands. He was able to find peace while the blood was pouring out of His body and say, “Father, forgive them for they don’t know what they’re doing.” He was able to see the whole plan of what was happening. You and I aren’t afforded that luxury.

It took years to see the plan and the reasons why. The betrayal in my life knocked me completely off the path I was on and put me on another one. It changed my outlook, the way I think and ultimately who I am. If it hadn’t been for that one act, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Being able to have that perspective this far away is what helped me find forgiveness. I know that what happened, while it hurt deeply and still does, was a course correction that God used to get me where He wanted me.

If they were the tool that God used to get me here, how can I withhold forgiveness? When I withhold forgiveness, I can’t be who I am supposed to be. It will keep me in a prison of pain and bitterness and I will miss what God has for me. I knew the day would come when I would have to forgive because Jesus also said, “If you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.” Were the sins committed against me any worse than my sins against God? No. He found a way to forgive me, I have to find a way to forgive others.