Nearly twenty years ago, I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed with a shotgun on my lap. Thoughts were racing through my head. I had been hurt badly and wanted revenge. I knew that the people were meeting at Target in about an hour. My heart was racing as I played out the scenario in my head. I thought about where I could run to or where I could hide out. Then I started thinking about what it would be like to spend the rest of my life in prison. I started to put the gun back up, but all those thoughts of pain came rushing back. “They deserve it,” I reasoned with myself. The argument went back and forth. In a split second, I put the gun in the closet, ran to my car and drove an hour away. I called a friend to meet me, gave him my keys and told him not to give them back no matter what I said.
That night scared me to death. It’s the night I realized that every sin lies within me dormant waiting for the right circumstances to bring it out. I never thought I was capable of such a thing, but that mental battle was real and it was all I could do to keep from committing it. That night I began to pay more attention to my thoughts and where I let them go. I also started to keep myself from certain situations that I thought I was immune to. Guarding my heart became something I did rather than just something I read about in the Bible. If every sin was hiding in my heart, waiting for the right moment and circumstances to align, I needed to be more cautious.
David must have had one of those moments too. In Psalm 19:12, he prayed, “How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart? Cleanse me from these hidden faults” (NLT). He found out that every one of us are capable of any sin, but he also knew that the remedy was knowing God’s Word and seeking Him for help. In verse 11, referencing God’s Word, he wrote, “They are a warning to your servant, a great reward for those who obey them.” The Bible is a lamp and a light (Psalm 119:105). It exposes hidden sins, faults and thoughts, as well as it shows you what to do. Jesus used the Word of God to keep from sinning as He was tempted. It’s a powerful weapon in our arsenal against sin, but you can only be equipped with it if you know it. Don’t fall prey to the hidden sins in your heart. Be proactive by putting God’s Word in your heart so that you won’t sin against Him (Psalm 119:11).
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash
Devotions by Chris Hendrix 
Thanks for being real and sharing about a vulnerable time in your life. Such authenticity helps others.
I like how you said that guarding your heart is something you do—not just read about in the Bible.
It is important, again as you said, each of us is capable of any sin. That’s hard to admit, but true.
Preach it, brother!
Thanks. It is hard to admit because we like to protect our image. We all deal with temptation and sin, which is why we must guard our heart with the Word of God. Thanks for the encouragement.
What an inspiring testimony, thank you for sharing. I like what you said in the previous comment that it’s hard to share out faults, our weaknesses with others because we want to protect our image, which reminded me of this: If we preserve our character, God will take care of our reputation. Thank you for an excellent read and beautiful reminder.
Blessings,
Darryl Orrell
afaithfulsower.org
I like that saying! I’ve never heard it before. Thanks for sharing that. God is good.
Thanks a lot
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Yes, when people ask how someone could do such a thing… the truth is we have all been there. This was a great post “That night scared me to death. It’s the night I realized that every sin lies within me dormant waiting for the right circumstances to bring it out. ”
This happened to me over something as well and is how I became saved.
Thank you for sharing. I know it’s not easy to tell people the dark things that go through our mind. You’re right in that we all have those thoughts, but so few are willing to admit it. I like the phrase, “We go to God for forgiveness and to His people for healing through confession.”