Out Of The Hole


It’s hard for me to believe that next week I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of the lowest point of my life. I know it seems odd to celebrate such an event, but for me, it was a turning point in my life. It was the moment when I refused to go any lower than I was and made the decision that I would claw my way out of the hole that I was in no matter how much effort it took and no matter how long it took. I’m still clawing my way out of that hole, but now I’m starting to see daylight.

Ten years ago, there was no light at the end of the tunnel. There was no hope of ever recovering from what I had been through. I was hurt, embarrassed and alone. Sure I had a few friends around me, but no one truly knew the depth of my pain or what I was struggling with. I made a conscious effort to never think about that time in my life. I felt that if I could pretend it was a bad dream, the pain would go away. I thought that if I never spoke of it again, then I could put it behind me.

I moved on with my life pretending that I hadn’t gone through a painful divorce, filed for bankruptcy, lost my business or ran away from those who cared most about me. I figured that the best way out was to start my life over fresh and new as if none of it never happened. The problem was it did happen. Underneath everything I was still a mess inside. I was still hurt to the core. I was mad at God for letting me walk through that. I was mad at others thinking my failures were somehow their fault. It all boiled down to bad decision making by me.

Once I was able to take responsibility for the things that happened, I began to move forward. It’s not easy to look in the mirror when you know the pain inside is caused by the person looking back at you. I know other people played roles in delivering the punches that knocked me down, but I made the decisions that put them there and put myself in that position. I left myself open for the gut shots that took the wind out of my desire to live or move on.

I hid the pain for over seven years as I moved on with life. It was then that God spoke to me through Dave Roever that I needed to expose the wounds and face them head on. Since that time, I have begun to share my story being open and honest about what happened. I have found healing for the wounds that were so deep. I still feel the pain like I did every time I open them up, but I know that through my wounds others can find help, hope and healing for theirs.

I don’t know what you’re facing today, but I know what it’s like to hit rock bottom and feel like there’s no way out. I know what it’s like to think that there’s only one way out of the pain and anger. I can tell you that there is another way out. I found it. It was through forgiving myself and others who hurt me. It was in finding forgiveness through Jesus for the unthinkable wrongs I’d committed. It was over the course of years, hard work, dedication and never giving up. If I can make it out of that hole, you can too.

4 Comments

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4 responses to “Out Of The Hole

  1. Alonso Pedroza

    Thank you for sharing this story with me back when I was going thru great struggles in my life. It really did help me to have a blueprint of how you got out and I just followed it and thanks to you I AM OUT. I truly dont know how i would have gotten out, if God did not pit you in my path. I believe every mistake/ lessons brings with it positives and negatives. The negatives are the pain of embarrassment, heart aches and disappointments. But the positives really out way the negatives, I see the positive of it being three things: 1. Wisdom 2. Gift that keeps on giving. 3. Strength. I see the powerful lessons from God that I can turn around and give that lesson to someone else. If I just hold the mistakes inside, how could I help anyone else. I use to think I was the only one in the world to make the mistakes I made. Turns out I am not alone. The more I shared the more others spoke to me about their own mistakes. The more wisdom I got from them. I do not think its weird or bad to be celebrating anniversary of your triumph over the lowest point of your life. In my opinion anyone that says that is bad/ weird are the very ones still holding on to their own mistakes. I see San Antonio as the great example, “Remember the Alamo!” I really like celebrating my triumph over the good and the bad, especially the bad. It makes me feel better and it helps me share my triumphs with many others.
    Thanks to our past, it led us to where we are today. The more obstacles we over come, the harder it is for life to bring us down.
    Thank you for sharing, Friend.

    • I’m glad to see you’re on the road to a better life. I love the 3 things you mentioned: wisdom, strength and it’s a gift that keeps on giving. It’s all about perspective. We have so little perspective when we’re in that hole. Our life is so dark we can’t see in front of us. We can choose to give up, stay there or to move. If we move, we gain those three things.
      I’ve never likened what happened in my life to the Alamo, but you’re right. It’s a great analogy. People used that loss as a rallying cry for freedom. How we respond to devastating loss determines our future. We can choose to wallow in sorrow or determine we’re never going to forget the lessons learned and move forward.
      Thanks for bringing your insight today and sharing.

  2. That’s awesome, Chris! And now you are helping others out of the hole.

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