Tag Archives: depressed

The Domino Effect

Ten years ago today a friend and employee of mine died in a car crash. The crash killed her husband and daughter as well. Her two year old son survived, but was handicapped by the wreck and was in the hospital for a long time. Their deaths would be the first domino that would fall in my life and set off a chain reaction that wouldn’t stop until October of that same year.

While I would spend my spare time visiting their son in the ICU in downtown Houston, my wife would use her newly found free time to indulge deeper into a relationship she had started at work. I would then be brought into a custody battle for the son of my deceased friend and have to testify about people I had known for years. It was uncomfortable and not what I wanted. Not long after the custody battle I discovered my wife’s affair. That sent me deeper in depression.

One domino after another seemed to fall. While dealing with that, the landlord where I had my business decided not to renew my lease. The places where I kept trying to sign leases kept falling through. I finally found a place, but it would take a while to renovate. When I was almost done, the city inspector came in and made me tear it all down and start over. More money was lost. Time and energy that I didn’t have were being drained.

I had to take on a partner to help get the job done. While we were redoing everything, the IRS came and wanted back taxes I couldn’t pay. They threatened to take everything. The partner took over the business, but not my debts. The creditors called, knocked and harassed like they do. I ended up filing bankruptcy and losing everything. I started making half what I was and couldn’t afford my house or car. In October, my divorce was finalized and the last domino had fallen. I was tired, depressed and hopeless.

It took me a while before I started picking up the pieces of my life and began to put it back together. There aren’t many people actively involved in my life now who were there then. Everything in my life was turned over including friends. My life is not perfect, but I can tell you I’m a long way from where I was ten years ago. God has done some amazing things in my life and has restored to me more than what I lost. Enough had happened to me that I could have spent the rest of my life bitter, angry and depressed. I had every right to.

That’s not how God wants us to respond to adversity though. Those times in our lives build endurance. They build character. They leave scars and deep wounds too. I’m ten years out and I still break down when I think about the pain I suffered. It’s still real. I also am humbled when I look back and see that God never left me during that time. Even though I couldn’t see Him or feel Him then, I see now that He was working everything out for my good.

You may be going through a lot worse today. I don’t know. What I do know is that God has not left you nor has He forsaken you. Don’t believe the lies that He left you alone to struggle as the dominos in your life fall. He is creating something beautiful in your life and is preparing you for what’s ahead. Don’t give up or quit because you think there is no end to the falling dominos. They will stop at some point and you’ll find God at the end where He is waiting to build again.

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Beauty for Ashes

This is a repost of one of my most popular devotionals last year.

We traveled recently to northeast Texas to property that my sister in law’s family owns. As we drove near the property and even onto the property, we noticed the devastation that the wildfires of 2011 left behind. At first we were saddened as we tried to imagine what it had looked like before. What we saw now were blackened trees standing naked in acres of fields with a grey sky as a backdrop.

As we stood outside and stared at what was compared with our imaginations of what had been, I began to notice all of the green bushes that were growing at the base of the trees. My wife mentioned that in a strange way, it was kind of beautiful. My brother said that periodically, fire is actually good for the forest. It’s just hard when the period you own it coincides with the period of fires.

As I looked at, with my wife’s words echoing in my mind, I remembered the scripture in Isaiah 61:3 that said God will give beauty for ashes. I then thought of my life and others I know whose lives had been burned. I remember standing there in shock after my life burned to the ground. I spent a lot of time remembering the way life was before and often wishing I could go back. I spent almost a year in a daily rut of trying to remember the good old days and trying to forget the pain.

My brother was right. Fire can be a good thing. I remembered seeing a billboard with the web address of goodfires.org once. I looked it up to see how a fire can be good. It said that through controlled burning they can increase healthy habitats in the forest, they can promote a varied population and it provides nutrients to the soil that creates quality increases in plant life. The devastation that fire brings increases life.

I think the same holds true in our lives. You may be where I once was. You may be looking at the charred remains of what was your life wondering why God allowed this to happen. I know the feeling. What I’ve learned is that God will replace those ashes with beauty. He can use the fire that burned you to create new life in you. You can’t see it right away and certainly not while you are looking at the remains of the past. You have to search for it. Find that new life. It’s there. It may be just budding, but it’s there.

I remember someone speaking to me a word that they felt God had given them for me after everything I had was burned. They said, “What seems like an end is only a beginning. I have not left you, nor have I forsaken you. I am here by your side. I’m not in front of you or behind you, but here by your side. Where I am taking you, you will experience joy like you’ve never known. Trust in me.” I believe that holds true today.

You may be looking at what seems to be an end. All might seem lost, but it’s not. The fires burned away what was temporary in your life. God wants to create a new beginning in you. He wants to bring you life. He holds to His promise that He will never leave you or forsake you. He knows and sees the pain you have for now. Hang in there, He will create beauty from the ashes of your life.

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Knocked Down, but Not Out

A few years ago, life knocked me down. It took the wind out of me when it did. It was hard to do things that were once normal. Everything took effort. An effort that I didn’t have the strength to give. Sometimes just breathing took every ounce of energy I had. It was a tough place to be. I was lying flat on my back wondering how to go on, if I should go on. The easiest thing to do was to give up and stay down.

Have you ever been there? Maybe you’re there now. Sometimes life throws some pretty hard hits. It doesn’t seem fair how, why or when things come our way to knock us down and off the path we were on. You didn’t ask for it or deserve it, but it happened anyway. You have to make some pretty tough choices when you’ve been knocked down. Life changing choices.

Here are some choices I made that helped me.

1. Don’t lose heart

The first thing you want to do is to give up. That’s because that’s the easiest choice, but it’s not the right choice. When the wind is knocked out of you, it gets hard to breathe. Life comes crashing down on you and you’re left wondering if you have anything left. You do. It’s in these times that you have to reach down inside you and find who you really are.

In John 14:1, Jesus told the disciples not to lose heart. He told them to believe in and to rely on Him. When we get knocked down, it is a chance for our faith to grow. When you can’t rely on anyone else, rely on God. He’s the one who is there with you even when you can’t see Him. He’s there to give you heart and strength to move on from where you think you will be forever.

2. Stand back up

One of the hardest things to do when you’ve been knocked down is to stand back up. You may not feel like you have the strength to do it, but you do. It’s inside you. You just have to dig deep to find it. Standing back up is an act of courage. It tells life that it may knock you down, but you will not be counted out. You are here to fight. You are here o win.

Proverbs 24:16 says even if you are knocked down 7 times, the godly get back up. No matter how many times you get knocked down, get up one more time. You are able to do it and each time you get up, you are stronger for it. I kept telling myself, ” What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. If I can survive this, I can survive anything.” You can survive this, but you gotta get back up!

3. Move forward

It’s not enough just to stand back up though. You have to take a step forward even if you don’t know what way “forward” is. Staying still can’t be an option. Where you were is where you were knocked down. You have to move past that area of your life o you can recover. There is hope, there is help and there is healing; but you must move forward to get it.

Philippians 3:14 and 4:13 are your new best friends. Read them, repeat them and cling to them. They say, “I press on toward the goal” and “I can do all things through Christ.” Your goal right now is to press on (forward). You can do it by the power and strength of Jesus. Your faith is what will carry you on. Find someone who can help along the way. You are not supposed to do this alone. They may not understand what you’ve been through, but that’s ok. They have the strength you need to move forward.

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What do you see in the mirror

When you look in the mirror, what do you see? Do you see someone who is worthless, ugly, boring, fat or a failure? Do you see yourself through the eyes of what other people or society has told you? How you see yourself matters. It reflects in who you are and in your relationships with other people.

If you do not see anything positive when you look in the mirror, you are not alone. I’ve looked in the mirror before and have seen many of the things listed above. I had to reevaluate how I saw myself to change who I am. Once I was able to do that, things in my life changed.

Here are a few things you can do to help change how you see yourself.

1. God created you

Not only did God create you, but He created you in His likeness. Genesis 1:27 says that God created mankind in His image and likeness. Just as a child has the same characteristic traits of his parents, God created you with His characteristic traits. Who you are is a reflection of Him.

Scripture also tells us in Ephesians 2:10 that we are God’s masterpiece and handiwork. You are a masterpiece that God created. He knew what He was doing when He made you. Psalm 139:14 acknowledges that you were wonderfully made. God doesn’t make failures or things that are worthless. You are His masterpiece!

2. God knows you

In a world of 7 billion people, it’s important to know that God knows who you are. You are not just a spec of sand on a beach. You are known by God intimately. In Jeremiah 1:5, God says, “Before I formed YOU in the womb, I knew and approved of you as my chosen instrument (AMP).” God not only knows you, but He has created you for a reason.

With that reason comes a plan. Jeremiah 29:11 says that God knows the plans He has for YOU. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give YOU a future and a hope. God has your life laid out for you. He knows your future and what you will accomplish. God knows who you are, where you are and why you are here. Only you can fulfill what He made you to do. You have a purpose!

3. God values you

Not only did God create you and make a purpose for you, He sacrificed His only son for you. Think about that. You are worth so much to God that He was willing to send His son to this world to be sacrificed for your wrong doing. His desire is to have a relationship with you and the only way He could do that was to pay the highest price possible for you.

Jesus said that if he had 100 sheep and one got lost, He would leave the 99 to find that one. That one is YOU! If you were the only one on the planet that was lost, God values you so much that He still would have sacrificed His son just for you. God places a high value on you. You are priceless!

However you see yourself now, begin to look in the mirror with different eyes and thoughts. Know that you are a one of a kind original masterpiece that was designed by God and for His purpose. You are valued above all else in creation. It doesn’t matter what other people think or say about you. What matters is how God sees you. Look at yourself in the mirror through His eyes and watch your life change.

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Moving forward

Are you in that place where you would rather stay and rest where you are because it’s the easiest thing to do? I know I’ve been there. I didn’t have the strength (mentally, physically or spiritually) to move from where I was. I just wanted to give up and let the world pass me by. I didn’t care what happened. I just didn’t want to move.

That is not God’s purpose for us. Proverbs 24:16 says even though the righteous man falls seven times, he gets back up. We are not to stay down when life knocks us down. We are to get back up through His strength. We are to move forward, not backwards or in the same place.

Hebrews 11 speaks of Moses and the choice he had to make by faith to leave Egypt. It mentions 3 things he did to help him move forward.

1. He left Egypt behind

When the circumstances of your life knock you down, you carry those scars with you for the rest of your journey. They are a reminder of where you have been. You need them so you can see how far you’ve come. Don’t be afraid of the scars from your past. By allowing others to see them, it lets them know they can survive what they are enduring.

While we carry the scars with us, we need to leave the pain behind. If you continue to carry the pain with you, the wound will never heal. I don’t know that the pain fully goes away, but we have to choose not to dwell on it so we can move forward. Moses had to leave the life he lived in Egypt behind to move forward, but he used what he learned from that life to lead others.

2. He held to his purpose

God has a purpose for your life no matter what you have endured. When I lost everything in my life, I felt like I had lost my purpose. I allowed my circumstances to cloud my view of who God made me to be. I couldn’t see how God could use someone who was as broken as I was. It added to the grief that I was going through.

Moses could have lost his purpose as he left the life he knew, but he didn’t. He held to his purpose and led the Israelites out of bondage. It’s only when we’ve endured pain and suffering that we can help free those who are still bound to their pain. God uses the broken to help heal the broken. God still has a purpose for your life even if you can’t see it now.

3. He crossed the Red Sea

At a time when his back was against the wall, the Egyptian armies came to attack. There was no where for him to turn and no where to go. He prayed and asked God for help. At that moment, God parted the sea and allowed him to cross on dry land. When his enemies pursued, it sea swallowed them up.

You may feel there is no way out of your situation. You are surrounded by circumstances and problems in your life with no where to turn. Don’t give up. Ask God to do the impossible for you. He will make a way where there seems to be no way out. When you step out in faith and move forward, the sea will swallow those things that pursue you.

If you are in that place where you’ve been knocked down and don’t know what to do, don’t give up. By faith move forward and leave that place behind, know that God still has a purpose for your life and then pray that God will do the impossible in your life. He will show you which direction is forward.

What can you do today to start the process of moving forward?

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