Tag Archives: Devotion

February 14, 2014 · 7:00 AM

I Choose To Love

It’s Free Friday! Today is the day you let go of the things in your life that keep you down or hold you back. To celebrate, I’m giving away “Unglued: Making Wise Choices In The Midst of Raw Emotions” 6 session DVD by Lysa TerKeurst. Keep reading to find out how to enter.

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A friend of mine, who has been married for almost fifteen years, was talking with me about love and marriage. She told me that several years ago her husband left her. Instead of moving on, she held onto her love for him and decided to win him back. She tried everything she could think of. Month after month passed and he wouldn’t break. He wanted to be free to do his own thing and told her he didn’t feel it anymore. Even when he dated other women, she hung on to her love for him. Four years went by before he realized that he would never find anyone to love him the way she did.

They started dating again and recommitted their marriage. They’ve been together several years since that separation and their marriage is stronger than ever. I asked her how because I couldn’t understand. Her answer was simple, yet difficult. She said, “I choose to love him. When he makes me mad, I tell him that I choose to love him anyway. When he leaves clothes on the floor instead of in the hamper, I choose to love him. When he forgets important dates, I choose to love him. When we get in heated discussions, I choose to love him. No matter what happens, it’s my choice to love him or to let the other things control my thoughts.”

She gets what a marriage relationship is all about. It’s not about feelings, because those go away. It’s not about looks, because those go away. It’s not about feeling trapped. It’s about making a daily choice to stay in love. It’s about making a choice to fight for the relationship you are in and fighting off the temptations that try to pull you out of it. It’s a choice to find new ways to keep the flame burning. It’s a choice to look beyond the things that drive you nuts and to focus on the qualities you love. It’s not easy to make those choices.

In fact, I tell people who are getting married that marriage is the hardest thing they will ever do in life. They will have to fight for that relationship every day for the rest of their life. They will have to set boundaries to protect their love. They will have to communicate when they don’t want to. They will have to force themselves to eat crow even when they think they’re right for the sake of the relationship. They will have to lose the mentality that they are two separate people and adopt the idea that they are one and a house divided cannot stand. They will have to choose daily to be in love with the same person day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Love is worth fighting for.

No marriage is perfect because it involves two imperfect people. It takes both of them freeing themselves of selfish motives and putting the other’s needs above their own. It takes one person carrying the heavy load while the other can’t or won’t. It takes understanding that marriage is not 50/50, it’s 100/100. Both parties have to give it their all for it to work. Marriage comes down to making the same decision day after day, year after year, decade after decade. Both parties have to choose to love the other more than they love themselves every day, not just on days where Hallmark tells them to. They have to put thought and effort into the relationship 365 days a year. Love is a choice.

If you would like to win the “Unglued” DVD by Lysa TerKeurst, all you have to do is go to my Facebook page here and “like” it. I will randomly pick one person tomorrow (February 15, 2014) who has liked my page. If you have already liked my page and enjoy reading these daily devotionals, you are already entered. Please invite your friends to like my page so they can receive encouragement from God’s Word too.

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February 6, 2014 · 7:55 AM

Living A Wrecked Life

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I have the privilege of taking teams on mission trips a couple of times a year. Before I take anyone to Haiti, I give them this warning: Your life will be wrecked. Someone inevitably asks me what that means. I tell them something happens to you when you physically become the hands and feet of Jesus to the least of these. Your life, your mission, your thought process all change when you give what’s in your hand to someone who can never pay you back. There’s a feeling of satisfaction like you’ve never experienced in doing the Father’s will. There’s a joy unspeakable that comes from holding an orphan’s hand knowing you’ve just become their “blanc”.

Things you’ve done your whole life just don’t seem fulfilling anymore. It’s difficult to go back to your day to day life knowing that the things you do there have little to no eternal value. I’d rather be working in the Haitian heat doing something that matters for eternity than to sit in an air conditioned office trying to decide where I’m going to go for lunch. I can’t even wash a bug off my windshield without thinking how the people of Myan have to walk six miles for drinkable water like the water that I’m using on an insect. It’s not easy living a wrecked life, but it’s a fulfilled one.

It’s one where you give all you have for all He wants. When you allow the scales of selfishness to fall off your eyes, you suddenly see this life was never about you. It’s always been about helping others. It’s been about giving what you have. If you look closely at what God does, you’ll see that He gives (see John 3:16). I believe He expects us to do the same. He put in us a feeling of satisfaction that only comes from giving. That’s why Jesus said, “It’s more blessed to give than to receive.” When you give yourself, your time, your prayers or your money, you open yourself to being wrecked by God’s blessings.

God has placed in each one of us the desire to live a wrecked life. For some, that only comes from being on the ground in Haiti or some other part of the world being the hands and feet of Jesus. For some, it’s giving so that those who have the need to go can go and fulfill their mission. For others, it’s praying for those who go and give. They fight the unseen battle that rages over the lost person’s soul. Each of us have our lives wrecked when we fulfill our role in fulfilling the Great Commission. When we each do our part, we’ll each hear the Father say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

What’s your part in giving? If you want to have your life wrecked by God, ask Him what role He wants you to play in fulfilling the Great Commission. If it’s to go, organize a mission trip for your church and go. If you’d like to go to Haiti to work with orphans, email missions@coreluv.org. If it’s to give, find someone who is going on a trip and give towards their trip. You can also give monthly support to any full time missionary. They’d appreciate it very much. If it’s to pray, dedicate time each day to pray for those fighting on the front lines. They can feel your prayers and it gives them strength to go on. When you do your part, you give others the ability to do theirs and all of will live wrecked lives like God intended.

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January 31, 2014 · 1:56 AM

No More Plateaus

It’s Free Friday! Today is the day you let go of the things in your life that keep you down or hold you back. To celebrate, I’m giving away a copy of “Fresh Air: trading stale spiritual obligation for a life-altering, energizing, experience-it-everyday relationship with God” by Chris Hodges. Keep reading to find out how to enter.

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Two years ago, I was losing weight. I had adopted a better diet, began to exercise more and controlled the portion size of the food I ate. For weeks, the pounds came off. Five pounds. Ten pounds. Fifteen pounds. Twenty pounds. Twenty pounds. Twenty pounds. I got stuck. I couldn’t lose any more. I hit a plateau at twenty pounds lost. I wanted to lose more, but nothing I did pushed me past it. I are healthier. I exercised more. I ate smaller portions. Nothing worked. I was stuck. Eventually, I quit trying. I adopted the mindset that this was my ideal weight.

It wasn’t long before I allowed junk food to slowly enter my diet. I began to exercise less. Holidays came around and I justified the larger portions. I put on one pound. Two pounds. Four pounds. I began to drift backwards. “When I get to ten pounds, I’ll go back to that healthy lifestyle,” I told myself. I became stuck in this limbo of wanting to lose weight, but not really doing anything about it. I plateaued again.

I find that the same thing happens to us spiritually. We desire to have more of God in our lives. We want to be a stronger light for Him. So we read our Bible more, pray all the time and find ways to share our testimony. We make a difference in one life. Two lives. Five lives. Ten lives. Ten lives. Ten lives. We hit a plateau in our spiritual growth and the lives we influence. We read more. We pray longer. We look for more people to talk to, but nothing changes. We then adopt the idea that this is where God wants me to stay.

It’s not long before we read less, pray few times a day and quit looking for opportunities. We get caught in a spiritual limbo. The problem is that checking off spiritual boxes like reading and praying will produce some growth, but not a sustained growth. We’ve got to break down scripture into bite sized chunks to understand it deeper. We’ve got to spend silent time in prayer listening to the voice of God to communicate with Him. We’ve got to do things differently than we’ve done them if we want to break through those plateaus.

We’ve got to quit settling for where we are spiritually if we really want to grow. We’ve got to change how we study and pray to get to that next level. We’ve got to get to past living a life of rules and checked boxes if we truly want to experience who God is. Sustained growth comes from the inside out, not the outside in. You’ve got to want it more than anything else and then make the sacrifices that will produce the results you’re looking for. “Draw near to God and (then) He will draw near to you.” You’ve got to make the move first. You’ve got to do the work that draws God to you. His desire is to be constantly moving closer to you. Break free of the plateaus today and climb that mountain. You will experience new life and fresh growth if you do.

If you would like to win “Fresh Air” by Chris Hodges, all, you have to do is go to my Facebook page here and “like” it. I will randomly pick one person tomorrow (February 1, 2014) who has liked my page. If you have already liked my page you’re already entered. If you enjoy reading these daily devotionals, please invite your friends to like my page so they can receive encouragement from God’s Word too.

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January 29, 2014 · 7:40 AM

Open The Hood Of Prayer

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Prayer to me is like a car engine. I don’t know everything about it, but I know it works. Sure I can point out some parts under the hood and tell you what they do, but I don’t understand fully how they work. I’ve replaced a couple of parts that were easy to do, but for the harder stuff, I go to someone who understands it more fully. They are able to replace anything under the hood and make it run as intended. I take it to them because they know and understand every part of an engine. They also know how to tweak it to get the most out of it.

Every one of us can pray. Every one of us can make it work. We may not understand how it works or what to do to get the most out of it, but we can push the gas and make it go. I’ve read where people have broken down “The Lord’s Prayer” and taught me how to pray. I’ve been given methods like “ACTS” (Adoration, Confession, Thankfulness, Supplication) to give structure to my prayers. I’ve been shown how to pray intensely so that my prayers have more power. There are so many things we can learn about prayer, but most of us leave the hood closed.

We’d rather just ask God for what we need rather than to intimately know God through our prayers. It can be scary getting to know an omnipotent God who wants to meet and converse daily. What if He asks me to go to some crazy part of the world that I won’t like? What if He tells me things I don’t want to hear? We let our fear of the unknown make our prayers a one way communication. We keep our effectiveness to a minimum and have to rely on others who understand it more fully to pray for us in our needs.

I’m not saying we shouldn’t go to others for help when praying for something. I believe in the power of multiple people praying and I know that there are others who have more effective prayers than I do. I seek them when I need it. What I’m saying is that each one of us have the ability to have effective prayers that God will not only hear, but answer. We have the ability to open the hood, tweak the things that need tweaking and make our prayers as effective as possible.

It’s going to require you to get a little dirty though. You’re going to have to do some work. You’re going to have to spend some time under the hood tinkering. Powerful, effective prayers come out of spending time with the one we’re talking to. They come from intimately knowing the One to whom we pray. They come from understanding what His will is and what His Word says. The more we know what His Word says, the more we pray in accordance with it. The more we pray in accordance with it, the more He answers. The more He answers, the more faith and confident we get. The more faith and confident we get, the more effective our prayers become.

Don’t be afraid to look under the hood of prayer. Learn what you can. Take time tweaking this and that to make it comfortable for you. Understand there are different types and ways to pray. Your prayers get an audience with the One who created everything you see. It’s worth investing time and energy to make them as effective as possible. Hang around others who get their prayers answered. Learn from them how to pray. Each one of us have room for growth in our prayers. To get better, we just have to open the hood.

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January 14, 2014 · 7:53 AM

Oops! Try again.

My son, who is almost three, is as clumsy as they come. He trips over his own feet, walks into stuff without looking and knows how to make a mess. Whenever he trips and falls, he says, “Oops! Try again.” Whenever he gets outside of the lines tracing letters on his Leap Pad and it makes him start over, he says, “Oops! Try again.” It makes me laugh every time. The other day I dropped something and it made a loud crash. He came running in there, looked at the mess, looked at me, smiled and said, “Oops! Try again.”

We could learn a lot from him. When he messes up, he doesn’t give up. He doesn’t let the mistake hold him back. He simply reminds himself to try again. Jesus spent a lot of his earthly ministry doing the same. When they brought Him the woman who had been caught in adultery, He said, “Let the one who has never sinned throw the first stone!” One by one they left. When it was just her standing there, Jesus looked up and said, “Go and sin no more.” In essence He told her, “Oops! Try again.” She messed up badly, but He offered her the chance to try again.

I’m sure Peter went through some sleepless night after he denied knowing Jesus. He knew he was going to deny Him because Jesus told him it was going to happen. Not only did he deny knowing Jesus once, but he did it three times. After Jesus rose from the dead, He met Peter on the shore of the Sea of Galilee. He looked at Peter and asked, “Do you love me?” Peter responded, “You know I love you.” Jesus then said, “Then take care of my sheep.” In a way that only Jesus could do, He simply told Peter, “Oops! Try again.”

There is nothing you have done in this life that is so bad that Jesus won’t look at you and say, “Oops! Try again.” He understands that we will fail Him. He knows that we’re going to sin. He doesn’t sit there and hold it over our heads. Instead, He wants us to get back up, dust ourselves off, ask for forgiveness and then try again. The whole life of a Christian isn’t about being perfect. It’s about getting up and trying again after we fail. It’s about knowing the One who forgives and encourages us to try again.

Proverbs 24:16 says, “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again.” Being righteous doesn’t mean you won’t fall. It means you get back up and try again. If you’ve fallen and have thought that God wouldn’t take you back, let me encourage you to get back up and try again. If you haven’t been to church in forever, get back up and try again. If you think that the walls of the church would fall in if you walked in, get up and try. You couldn’t have done anything worse than to deny Jesus to His face after spending years with Him. If Jesus offered Peter the opportunity to try again, He’ll offer it to you.

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January 1, 2014 · 7:45 AM

2014 New Year Prayer

Today, I offer a prayer for you to pray to bring in the new year.

Jesus,

Thank you for 2013 and all the things that you showed me through it. Thank you for the victories and answers to prayers that you gave. Help me to continue to learn from the defeats I faced and the changes that you made in my life. I may never fully understand why things happened this year that weren’t part of my plan, but were a part of yours. Even when I don’t understand, help me to trust you still. Bring healing to the pain I’ve endured and turn my mourning into joy. My life is in your hands and everything I have is yours.

In 2014, I ask that you guide me in everything I do. Help me to walk in your paths and to find the doors that you’ve opened for me. Give me the courage to walk through them even when I can’t see what’s on the other side. You’ve called me to live by faith and that means that I won’t always know what the next step is. I just have to trust you and your timing. I ask that in my weakness you will be my strength. In my blindness, you will be my sight. In my shortcomings, you will be my grace.

Teach me to show your love more proactively than I ever have in this new year. Help me to not respond in hate to the things the world throws at me that I don’t like. I want to be your light in this dark place. I want to build bridges that the lost can walk across rather than to dig ditches that keep them away. Help me to react out of love instead of hate or fear. Teach me to reach out to the lost the way you did. I want to honor you with my life this year more than in any other year of my life so far.

Open my eyes to see those whom you called “the least of these”. Let me be your hands and feet in their lives. Give me the strength to share your love through my actions whenever you bring them into my path. Provide the funds that it will take to travel to other parts of the world so I can share your love with those whom the world has abandoned. Give me a heart that loves the unlovable, hands that do your will, a heart that beats in tune with yours, feet that will carry the Gospel, eyes to see others the way you do and a mouth that speaks your words.

I commit 2014 to you. May this year bring new beginnings where previous years have looked like dead ends. Speak life into the dead areas of my life. Bring people into my life that will help me accomplish all that you want me to. Place me in people’s lives that need my help to accomplish the plans you have for them. Expand my territory so that I can influence more for your kingdom. Open up the windows of Heaven and pour out blessings in my life so I can be a blessing in the lives of others. Use me in whatever capacity you see fit so that your name is glorified.

Thank you for all you will do this year. In your name I pray. Amen.

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December 17, 2013 · 7:47 AM

Wonderful Counselor

This week, I’ll be breaking down Isaiah 9:6 piece by piece. It says, “For a child is born to us, a son is given to us. The government will rest on his shoulders. And he will be called: Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (NLT)”. Today, we’ll look at Wonderful Counselor.

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I’ve tried to think back to all the times when I needed a counselor in my life. I had to have one in school when it came time to help me pick out classes to make sure I graduated. I had to have one when I got married to make sure that the proper foundation was laid for a lifelong marriage. I’ve used one in business to help me make decisions that would ensure the company was profitable. I’ve used them when someone close died to help work through the grieving process. I’ve used counselors any time I’ve had a huge decision to make and wasn’t sure what the right decision was.

I believe in Proverbs 15:22. It says, “Refuse good advice and watch your plans fail; take good counsel and watch them succeed. (MSG)” In order to be successful, we need good counselors around us. We need people with different perspectives who can help us see the things that our own limited vision can’t see. The problem is that too many people see using counselors, for any reason, as a sign of weakness. They make life altering decisions without the help, guidance or input from others and this scripture tells us that that is a recipe for failure. God has no desire to see you fail. He wants you to succeed.

In order to help you succeed, He has set Himself up to be a counselor for us. He wants to be that person in our life that we go to for advice, to help us make the difficult decisions and to point us in the right direction. He wants each of us to have such a close relationship with Him that we can go to Him with anything. Who could be better at giving you advice on anything you’re facing than God Himself? He knows what your future holds and He wants you to succeed. Just like with the counselors I’ve used in the past, it only works if you listen.

God can speak to you directly if you let Him. He can speak through others to you. He can even speak to you through His Word, the Bible. There are many ways He can be your counselor, but it’s up to you to give Him the opportunity. It’s up to you to listen and then to follow that advice. Life is hard and full of difficult choices. God knows that and never intended for you to have to make them on your own. He has been and always will be available to you as the one you can turn to for guidance.

Whatever you’re facing today is no surprise to God. He knew you would be standing at this crossroad and knows what path you should take. Seek His guidance, ask for His advice and listen. When you follow His counsel, you are guaranteed success in the long run. You may have a few bumps in the road He takes you down, but they are intended for your good. You may not see immediate success, but it’s coming. Trust in what He tells you. Follow the path He points to and listen to His voice. It’s not a sign of weakness to seek the advice of the Wonderful Counselor, it’s wise.

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December 12, 2013 · 8:00 AM

Led Into The Desert

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Have you ever been to a desert? I used to live in Egypt and got to experience the Sahara firsthand. There was sand as far as you could see. The ground was covered with rocks. When the wind would blow, you’d get sand in your eyes. There were very few signs of life when you got out there in it. The desert part of Egypt wasn’t where you wanted to be for very long. That’s why a majority of Egyptians live in the Nile valley near the water source. I started to think about living in the desert when I read Hosea. Chapter 2 verse 14 caught my eye. God said, “I will lead her into the desert.”

He was talking about Israel at the time, but I believe it applies to you and I as well. He was talking of how Israel had strayed from Him. In order to win her back, He was going to lead her to the desert and speak tenderly to her. A desert is a place we usually don’t want to go to. When we are experiencing a spiritual drought, we often say that we’re in the desert. But here, God said He was going to lead them to the desert so He could speak to them. I think that He does that to get us away from all the distractions that keep us from hearing Him.

Our lives are so full of noise from meetings, technologies, TV’s, video games and music that it’s hard to hear God. He desperately wants our attention and to speak with us. To get our attention, sometimes He has to take us to the desert. Instead of listening for His voice, we whine and beg Him to get us out of that place. Instead of understanding there’s a purpose for being in the desert, we try to find our own way out of it. Instead of looking for Him, we complain to others about how hard our life is and how everything is going wrong. The thought never entered our minds that it was God who led us to the desert.

He wants to use those dry times in our lives to speak tenderly to us. When things are going wrong in your life, He wants you to look for Him as a shelter not as a complaint hotline. There is a lot to learn in the desert. Most importantly, there can be growth and the start of new life. In verse 15, God says, “I will return her vineyards to her.” What you’ve lost by going to the desert will be restored to you. It may not be exactly how you expect it. It will be better. What seems like the death of one life is really the birth of a new one. What you lost in the old one, will be restored in the new one. God leads us to the desert to destroy the things that hold us back and then restores the things that will renew our love for Him.

Maybe you’re in that desert today thinking God is punishing you. Maybe you’ve been complaining because of how tough things are. Maybe you’re at the point of giving up. If you’re there, consider that God has led you to this desert to remove what needed to be gone and to restore what He wants in your life. Yes, the removal part hurts. It’s a long, drawn out, painful process at times. Your day of restoration is coming. I want to leave you with the last words of verse 15. God said He would “transform the Valley of Trouble into a gateway of hope.” Your restoration and transformation are on the way.

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November 27, 2013 · 7:31 AM

Reaping Where You Haven’t Sown

Today is the last day before the official holiday season. From now until the end of the year we’ll be bombarded by Christmas commercials, mall Santa’s, bell ringers and sales at every store. Everyone wants the money in your pocket because this is when we spend like no other time of year. Today, I just want to take a deep breath and relax in the calm before the crazy begins. I want to purpose in my heart that I won’t let all those other things get in the way or ruin the real reason for the Christmas season. Before I go, go, go, I want to thank the one who came.

A young girl sang a song in church on Sunday that asked the question, “Where’s the line to see Jesus?” It talked about the lines in the stores and the lines to see Santa, but where are the lines of people to see Jesus? We’re willing to camp out for great deals, stand in long checkout lines and endure cold weather, but complain when the sermon goes 5 minutes over. We wonder why our nation doesn’t turn to Jesus and we pray for an awakening, but we’ve got to wake up first.

I’m not against all the sales, standing in line or camping out. I’m just asking, “When is the last time we sacrificed for God? When have we truly given up something important for the advancement of the Kingdom?” I look at my life and wonder why there’s so little fruit, it’s because I’m planting in one vineyard and trying to reap in another. It doesn’t work that way. Not only will we reap what we sow, but we will reap it where we sow it. We can’t plant seeds of selfishness and expect to grow trees of righteousness. We can’t sow our time in things that don’t matter and expect a return in the eternal. Yet we do and then wonder why God isn’t bringing in a harvest.

If we want to have God move in our churches and nation, we’ve got to sow the seeds of time in prayer. If we want to reap a harvest of souls, we’ve got to sow effort in helping our communities. We can’t stand by the church door, ring the bells or put on amazing media presentations in the church and hope they’ll come. The law of God has always been about sowing and reaping. The Church has always understood that until this generation. We are expecting to reap without having sown. We are expecting an increase without having decreased. We are expecting gain without the pain.

Where does God want you to sow seeds in this holiday season? How can you water seeds that have already been planted? Are you ready to harvest? Look around you while you stand in long lines. You have a captive audience to plant seeds. God is looking for those who are available to work in the vineyard. He’s willing to pay full wages even if we don’t work the whole day. It’s up to us to see the opportunities, to say yes to His will and to begin planting seeds that will bring a harvest.

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November 21, 2013 · 7:41 AM

Helping Those In Pain

I’m approached often by people who have friends or family who have been cheated on by their spouse. They want to know what they can do to help them, how they can reach out to them and what they need most. There’s not a simple answer. Everyone reacts differently to the situation, but the pain and emotions are very similar I’ve found. I don’t think I can adequately give you everything you need in a few hundred words, but I’ll tell you what I needed most during that time in my life.

The first thing to understand is that they’re in pain from the betrayal. If they have kids, they will try to be strong for them. I imagine they will find a place to weep once the kids are asleep. They need some kind of outlet for that kind of pain. Without an outlet, pain turns to rage and a bad situation can easily be made worse. Everyone has a different outlet. I had to do things to keep my mind occupied. I painted my house over and over. I cleaned the grout around every tile with a toothbrush. I needed someone to listen who could understand my pain instead of just saying, “I’m sorry” or “What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” or “I never liked them anyway.” They were empty phrases from people who didn’t know what I was experiencing. For this, they need someone to listen without judging.

The next thing you should know is that it is unbelievably embarrassing for them. The hardest thing to do is face family and friends and admit your spouse cheated on you. I didn’t want anyone to know about it in case she came home. I didn’t want her to think she couldn’t come back because everyone knew. I didn’t want others to know because it made me look like a failure as a spouse. I thought that If I had been able to be the spouse they needed, they wouldn’t have cheated on me. I was the first person in the history of my family to go through a divorce and that made it worse. Not only did I feel like a second rate Christian, now I’m the guy in the family who couldn’t keep a wife. For this, they need acceptance without a bunch of questions.

The last thing I’ll mention in this post is that through all the pain and embarrassment, there is still a desire for their spouse to get their head on straight and come home. For months, every time I turned on the road to my house, I would look in the driveway and pray her car would be there. Even after all the pain and embarrassment, I thought that if she would just come home, it would be like nothing ever happened and I could get away from the pain. I thought everything would be better if she came to her senses and returned. Without her, it was like trying to walk without one leg. I had grown used to having two legs and if she returned, I could walk again. It may not make sense to you if you haven’t been in those shoes. For this, they need understanding without ridicule.

Above all else, they need prayer. They need someone to hold them up because they don’t have the strength to help themselves in their time of need. They need friends instead of judges. They need support instead of questions. They don’t always want to talk about it so don’t press them on it. When they’re ready, they’ll talk to you about it. Be a listening ear without attacking their spouse. Don’t say phrases like, “I never liked them.” That’s counter productive to someone who, at that moment, thinks that their world will be made right if their spouse returns. Offer to get a babysitter and take them out to eat. Get them out of the environment every now and then that is so rich with memories that remind them of the pain. Be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. Don’t offer advice unless it’s asked for.

These are a few of the things I needed in my separation. It’s not a complete list and reflects only what I went through and needed. If you’ve been through something similar, write a comment about what you needed so others who have friends or family will know how to be a better help.

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